Considering Separation Or Divorce?

Many couples go to marriage counselling to try and restore their marriage before choosing to get divorced. A marriage counsellor can help you to assess whether or not divorce is the right answer to your problems.

If you have decided on divorce, your counsellor can help you to make the divorce process more amicable and support you in working through the emotional and practical outcomes of your decision to divorce.

Couples may think that ending their marriage in divorce is the best option for them for many reasons such as; infidelity, unresolved arguments, long-drawn-out fighting, unresolved conflict, or lost love. Yet, divorce is usually a last resort for an unhappy couple, and one which can have an enduring impact on many aspects of your life including your financial and living situations, your children (if you have any), your extended family, and also your confidence in relationships.

Owing to the major impact of divorce, many couples try marriage counselling before making the final decision whether to stay together or end their relationship.

Marriage counselling can help restore a marriage in many ways, such as through:

  • Enhancing communication
  • Fostering trust
  • Settling impasses
  • Reducing arguments
  • Rebuilding intimacy
  • Reminding couples what they love about one another and why they wanted to get married in the first place.

Marriage counselling can be a great way to discuss the difficult and sensitive issues that are causing problems in your marriage which may be leading you to consider a divorce because your counsellor will be an outside, unbiased party who can mediate these discussions and will not take sides.

A marriage counsellor can also support you to assess if divorce is the appropriate solution for your marital issues, and ultimately help you come to a decision as to whether you should remain married or get a divorce. Apart from the emotional grounds for you to get a divorce, it is important to give proper thought to the practical side effects of divorce which may include:

How will divorce change my financial circumstances?

Where am I going to live? Will we have to sell the family home?

How will our children be affected by our divorce?

Who will the children live with?

How will our divorce affect our extended family and friendship groups?

A marriage counsellor can help you and your spouse talk about these issues calmly and wisely, by acting as a mediator in the negotiations and by promoting listening and patience. In this sense, a marriage counsellor can be a truly valuable resource in making sure that your divorce is as harmonious as possible, if divorce is the resolution you are your spouse come to.

If you are thinking about divorce and you would like help with your decision, or you want to make one last effort to save your marriage, talking to a qualified marriage or relationship counsellor can be helpful. Even if your spouse is not interested in attending, you can still see a counsellor on your own to help you resolve your own feelings, and come to terms with your or your partner’s decision.

Attending counselling after a divorce can also be very beneficial as it can help people to better understand what went wrong in their marriage and how they may have contributed to the problem so that they can avoid similar outcomes in future relationships.